Friday, July 11, 2014

Ph.D. in the fall and journal excerpts

I am excited about starting my Ph.D. in the fall at Texas A&M University, my alma mater.  I have missed the intellectual stimulation, the research, the reading, the writing, and the learning.

I have grown so much and am ready to start a new chapter in my life.  So many experiences and people have contributed to my journey.  I have learned so much about myself and other people.  Just when I think I have it all figured out, life surprises me.  I have decided that I will never have it all figured out.

Writing keeps me sane.  I have decided to post some excerpts from journal entries I have kept these past few years.

Listen to your gut.  Sometimes it whispers while other times it screams.  Mine nags me until I listen to it.
"This doesn't work for me."
"This is not safe."
"This is not good for my health."
"Enough!  No more!"
"Stop it, Angela!"
"Red flag!"
"Danger!"
"Really, Angela, really?"

People can say "I love you" and prove otherwise.  Look at the evidence - observe their actions toward you.  Are they manipulative?  Are they "baffled" when you try to establish boundaries?

Surround yourself with people who build you up.  Life is too short to be around people who drain you or tear you down.

Don't let ANYONE pressure you into doing something that you know is wrong.  And ask yourself if that person really is your friend.  Is the friendship give and take?  Or do they take a lot more than you give?  Is your friend always there or only when it's convenient for them?

Don't ever let a significant other say, "It's my way or I end the relationship."  They "love" you?  They are not so significant.  In fact, they are manipulative and self-centered.  I don't care how many poems are written, cards are exchanged, and/or gifts are given.  It's not okay for you to yell at me.  You will not disrespect me.

Recognize signs of emotional abuse.  Never let anyone disrespect or disregard your boundaries.  Do remember, however, to establish your boundaries early on.  Stop making excuses for people who treat you poorly.  Stop thinking that you can transform ANYONE with your immense love.

Commit yourself to people who are committed to your best interests.

My self worth does not come from the opinions of other people.  It comes from God.  Without God, there would be no hope.
"What's wrong with you?"
"You're stupid."

I'm actually brilliant  If you don't like me, you have a real problem.  I'm a phenomenal person, and you should want to know me.

February 4, 2014
Fantasies feel real,
The lies reel us in,
We believe when people quote the lines
of a Hollywood feature.
Our life
becomes part of the film,
rolling on the movie reel
We are left reeling in pain
Thinking the fantasy would make us happy

In the midst of fantasy,
suddenly we awake
And we need what is real.
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More coming soon.